When I left chemical dependency treatment 5 1/2 years ago, I was told I needed to go to AA meetings and get a sponsor. I found a meeting I liked and I watched the women for a few weeks before I asked this woman to be my sponsor. I'm not sure why I picked her except that I liked her and I felt comfortable when she was around. She is about my mother's age and since I'm not very close to my mom, I've always looked for people to fill that gap. I learned for the most part by following her example. She was carefree about life, but adamant about sobriety. I loved spending time with her. We didn't have to say much to understand each other.

She retired this year and she and her husband have been planning a year long boating trip on the Great Loop, a circumnavigation of the Eastern United States. I haven't seen her as regularly this past summer as usual because I'd skipped a lot of meetings to go to the boy's lacrosse games and then Johnny's football games. Between busy schedules and my avoidance of reality, her departure today is hard to grasp. I kept myself busy this week with household projects, but now that everyone is in bed and the house is quiet, I miss her a lot. The moon is bright out tonight and I wonder what it's like to sleep in a cabin being rocked by the waves. She told me before she left to get a new sponsor, at least a temporary one. I told her I would, but I can't imagine replacing her. When you let someone into your heart, no one else can take that place, because even if the person is physically gone, the impression they make never leaves.