I talk a lot about having friends that love me enough to tell me the truth when it hurts or call me out when I'm about to make a bad mistake, but I haven't talked as much about the times they have stuck up for me. Today I was second guessing a decision I'm making. It's one of those decisions where being honest means sharing how I feel, and sharing how I feel is going to cause some deeply painful feelings for someone else. I am always trying to avoid confrontational situations, but this is one I can't avoid so I'm feeling pretty bad about it. I shared how I felt about this decision with one of my friends. She empathized with how I felt in four words, "I'm sorry you're crying." Then she used a whole paragraph to remind me of the truth of the situation and why it's okay for me to be honest about how I feel. She reminded me that it's not my fault that this will hurt someone else, because I can't be responsible for someone elses' choices.
I think many of us have some friends who drift wherever the wind blows. They think one way when they are with one crowd and another way with another crowd. I believe it's much harder to find a friend that is a rock during a storm, someone that has integrity, and they not only believe in something, they stand up for it. My friend stuck up for me today. She protected my feelings from my tendency to take on other people's problems as my own. And where I couldn't draw a boundary line, she drew one for me and let me know it's not only okay to have a boundary line, it's necessary and I deserve it. I'm not great at understanding what I feel all the time, but after reading her e-mail I felt overwhelmingly loved. I'm using much different terminology in this post than she used in her e-mail, but I didn't want to just relay what she said, I wanted to find the words that paint a picture of how I feel to have a friend that will stand by me.
I talk a lot about having friends that love me enough to tell me the truth when it hurts or call me out when I'm about to make a bad mistake, but I haven't talked as much about the times they have stuck up for me. Today I was second guessing a decision I'm making. It's one of those decisions where being honest means sharing how I feel, and sharing how I feel is going to cause some deeply painful feelings for someone else. I am always trying to avoid confrontational situations, but this is one I can't avoid so I'm feeling pretty bad about it. I shared how I felt about this decision with one of my friends. She empathized with how I felt in four words, "I'm sorry you're crying." Then she used a whole paragraph to remind me of the truth of the situation and why it's okay for me to be honest about how I feel. She reminded me that it's not my fault that this will hurt someone else, because I can't be responsible for someone elses' choices. 
I think many of us have some friends who drift wherever the wind blows. They think one way when they are with one crowd and another way with another crowd. I believe it's much harder to find a friend that is a rock during a storm, someone that has integrity, and they not only believe in something, they stand up for it. My friend stuck up for me today. She protected my feelings from my tendency to take on other people's problems as my own. And where I couldn't draw a boundary line, she drew one for me and let me know it's not only okay to have a boundary line, it's necessary and I deserve it. I'm not great at understanding what I feel all the time, but after reading her e-mail I felt overwhelmingly loved. I'm using much different terminology in this post than she used in her e-mail, but I didn't want to just relay what she said, I wanted to find the words that paint a picture of how I feel to have a friend that will stand by me.
7 comments:
Jenny, She's a true friend! Life is a series of choices, and we can only make our own. Be true to yourself!
Mary
I want to be that kind of friend! That's awesome.
Me too, Jessica, but something tells me you already are. I feel lucky to have more than one of those kinds of friends. I'm working on a website to go with my book. I'll let you know when it's done.
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