Whitney Houston's Greatest Love and My Heros

I just watched the 20/20 Whitney Houston special I taped a week ago.  Maybe I live under a rock, but I didn't know she was an addict.  I guess I lost track of her after her high school.  I was a bit of a rock and roll/heavy metal fan in the 80's.  I didn't listen to pop music much, but I do have a very clear memory of sitting on a school bus with a bunch of teammates on our way to a game. I remember someone in the back of the bus cranking up their boom box to Whitney's, "Greatest Love of All" and everyone singing along and getting pumped up for the game.  I remember some of the lyrics really made me think.  Unlike the lyrics of AC/DC, Led Zeppelin and White Snake, which helped me NOT think about life, Whitney's lyrics about believing in yourself gave me a rare moment to wonder if I was really worth something.  As we sang the chorus we all got louder and it was one of the few times in my childhood that I felt like I belonged.  It only lasted a minute or two until the song was over and then we went back to being, "popular", "rich", "poor", "coach's favorite", "nerd",  the "cop's kid", "wrong side of the tracks", etc.  And I went back to feeling alone.  Yet, the song planted a little seed in my head that maybe I was worth something if I just believed in myself and learned to love myself.  That was a far stretch for me, but a little hope can go a long way.

Twenty-five years later I'm celebrating 8 years of sobriety while Whitney's family is mourning her death.  It makes me sad when someone dies from drugs and alcohol, but at the same time extremely blessed to be alive.  I can't imagine the pressure some people feel when they make it big and are in the public eye all the time.  I get super anxious just leading a small group of people at my internship.  I have some friends that got sober and are still sober.  I also have friends who got sober and then started using again.  One of them went away to a women's prison somewhere and I never heard from her again.  I don't know why some people make it and some people don't.  I could give you a lot of guesses, but I think people are too complex and complicated to pinpoint it in exact words.  All I know  is that without my amazing family and friends I coulnd't make it.  From my husband who puts up with my fluctuating moods and poor communication skills to my kids who love to spend time with me to my friends who encourage me and hold me accountable.  I don't need to search for a hero; they are all around me.