A friend of mind called today. She was on her way to the PGA tournament with her son, who is a very good golfer. She doesn't get to spend a lot of time with him, so this was a big deal. Their drive from Woodbury to Shakopee was about an hour and it was there that she realized she had left her purse back in Woodbury. The tickets for the PGA tour were in her purse, of course. She called me as she was driving back toward Woodbury because she knew I would understand. We have a great friendship in that we don't ever fight because we don't remember what the other person did or didn't do to hurt us in the first place.

I still get mad in situations like that, where I do something really stupid and it ruins my day or month or year. It's usually things that could have been prevented if I had just looked at my calendar or had a better organizing system or if I was more willing to change. I've learned that it doesn't help me to wish I was a different person. And it doesn't help me to beat myself up over things that I could have prevented. If anything, my emotional responses to those situations only make my situation worse. What I learned was how to think logically. I would love to say that this comes naturally for me, but it doesn't. I had to learn that if I want to change something, I need to make plans and be proactive rather than reactive. I need to quit spending time beating myself up, give myself a break, be grateful for the positive attributes that come with a disorganized brain and see if there is something I could do in the future to prevent another disappointing event.

This wasn't as simple as I just made it sound. It's a process of acceptance. Acceptance of who I am, what I'm inclined to do and what I need to do to change. I started with my car keys. I've missed a lot of appointments and have wasted many hours searching for my keys. It took a few months to aquire the habit, but now I almost always hang them on the hook as soon as I walk in the house. There are worse things than losing your keys, like regretting not getting to know your kids or messing up relationships. They key is (no pun intended) not to waste time feeling bad or playing the victim. They key is to change. Change takes time and effort, but it's so worthwhile. I used to bring a book or other work with me to my son's football game. When I realized I was missing a really big experience in his life, I started coming to the games empty handed, which was very hard at first because I don't like to waste time. I hated not getting anything accomplished during the two hours of the game. As I came to the games to actually watch my son play, I learned that I had been wasting time doing the wrong things. It may have appeared that I was getting something done by reading or bringing work with me to the game, but I was missing out on building a relationship with my son. I couldn't build a relationship with him if I didn't experience life with him. By watching the games and talking to him about the plays after the game I began building a relationship with him that I can't believe I almost missed out on. Now I can see that reading and doing work was really where I wasted time.

I haven't lost my keys now in years, which is good because I only have one more set of keys. I also haven't missed a football or lacrosse or basketball game in years, which is good because I only have one set of kids.