Bright Colors on a Dark Canvas

Every time I go running I run the same route, but it doesn't always look the same since I go at different times of the day.  Today I left at 6:03 p.m.  Yes, I keep track of my times, even though they are slow.  The sun was starting to set and as I came up over a hill, the light was shining across a corn field and through the trees.  I was taking in the beauty and feeling really blessed to be enjoying this moment when the thought crossed my mind; these are the same trees and field where, years ago, I used to fantasize about ending my life.  I knew I wouldn't do it, but it lifted my depression just a little bit thinking that there was a way out if I couldn't take it anymore.  I don't bring this up to be depressing.  I knew as I was running and thinking about all of this that I had to blog about it, because to me, it's hope.

There isn't room to go into all the details of my depression and I've talked about it in previous posts.  What I want to focus on is how different my life is today.  When I was in the midst of my depression I couldn't imagine my life ever including joy or peace again.  I can't say going back to work, signing up for classes, and taking care of three teenagers are peace filled activities, but I have peace in the midst of the chaos.  When things are not going well in life, it's easy for someone to say, "there's a time for everyting," or "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger."  But that's not exactly what someone wants to hear when they're going through hard times.  The thing that helped me the most was to read or hear about stories of other people who had gone through a hard time and were now on the other side.  Those real stories gave me hope. 

So, to anyone who is feeling hopeless or their circumstances seem impossible, I hope the day isn't far away when you come upon a landmark or something else that triggers your memory and you get a chance to think back to those days when life was especially hard or hopeless, because it's against that dark back drop that the good things in life look exceptionally bright.