Sex in the Cities

I was talking to a friend about a marriage conference she had been to with her husband. I asked about her favorite parts hoping to get a few little hints for my own marriage. There were some wonderful points and she got a lot out of the conference, but the reason I decided to write about sex today is because one of the points made and I've heard this many times over the years, is that orgasm is not important to women like it is to men; that women are just happy to be connecting relationally. FALSE! I relayed this to JB, my husband and he laughed because we both know that if we are having sex and I don't orgasm I am harder to be around than a houseful of women on their period. The tension is probably more closely related to garage door springs which are twisted so tight, they can cause major injury or death if let loose.

It's hard to write about something so personal, but I am tired of people teaching these sweeping, categorical concepts that don’t fit everyone’s needs. From conversations I’ve had over the last ten years and the statistics I’ve found, a lot of women have never even had an orgasm. It’s very simple. If you don’t know whether you have had one or not, then you haven’t had one. Kim Wallen, professor of behavioral neuroendocrinology at Emory University said, “I suspect that for a large proportion of women, orgasm from intercourse alone is just never going to happen and knowing that might give women some solace.” To go a step further, knowing that might give women a chance to figure out what DOES work. Without getting too personal, JB is a learner with a lot of curiosity. He has put a lot of time and energy into figuring out what works and he will be the first to say that all that work is worth the pay off.

How did we find what works? Books, information on internet, friends, communication with each other and practice. My motivation for this post is that I want other women to have great experiences with sex rather than it being something they put up with. I know sex has been a very divisive issue for a lot of my friends. I’m sure some of it is biological, but I think a lot of it is simply a lack of information and/or interest from a husband who is getting what he needs and wondering why it isn’t enough for her. There is so much more to say that maybe I will post later, but the bottom line is don’t assume the man on stage knows everything about your marriage and sex life. And if you’re the man on the stage explaining to other men that their wife is not interested in orgasm, you may be doing those couples a great disservice.  I would be happy to get comments or answer questions.  If you don't want to post it for the world to see, my e-mail is jlguiton@comcast.net.  I've gotta go now.  I think JB just got home.