Why Do People Commit Suicide?

Yesterday I watched The Early Show as Maggie interviewed Mary Hart about the death of Marie Osmand's son, Micheal. He jumped from his apartment building leaving a suicide note.  Hart said Michael has battled with depression, but she just saw him a month ago with his mom and he looked very excited about his future at a Fashion Institute.  His roommate also commented that Michael was the funniest and happiest person he knew.  So, what happened?

From my experience, there are different levels of depression and depression is different than sadness or grief.  I feel sad when I have lost something important to me, like my dog, a relationship or the Fantasy Football Superbowl.  I was involved in a lot of activities and felt great before depression snuck up on me.  I began to lose interest in the things that used to be fun.  I avoided people and stopped initiating conversations and get togethers.  It became hard to get out of bed in the morning, like I had overdosed on Benedryl. It took a huge amount of effort to do simple functions of daily living like making dinner or washing clothes.  The best word to describe my worst days of depression is torture. Sleep was my only comfort. I prayed before bed that I wouldn't have to wake up, ever. When I opened my eyes in the morning an enormous wave of dread swept through me at the thought of facing another day. My mind felt like an agitated, restless black hole. I begged that if my mind had to be a sea of darkness, could it at least be a calm sea. I wanted to bang my head against the wall until it stopped.  Thoughts of suicide were the only thing that made me feel any better, because it was the only hope for ending the torture. 

Luckily, for me, the worst days didn't last more than a week.  I don't know how long I could have made it in that condition.  I had started taking medication before it got that bad, but I didn't realize that alcohol negated the benefits of the anti depressants.  When I stopped drinking, my medication slowly started to work. I don't know exactly how the brain works or why some people get depression and others don't.  From my experience, I think people with depression truly believe their family and friends will be better off without them and suicide isn't a choice, but the only way to end the torture.