Change Is Hard

Two years ago I started working as a drug counselor at a Methadone clinic.  In my first week  I was given an office, a list of clients, and a computer in a box to put together.  It took me about 6 months to get used to waking up at 4 a.m. to start at 5:30, and it took another 6 months to get the hang of what I was doing but it only took a couple of months to get attached to my clients.  My clients are either Heroin addicts or addicted to opiate pain medications like Oxycodone or Percocet.  Some of them have done some pretty crazy things to support their habit, and some have had some pretty crazy things done to them and in their drug habit found a way to numb the pain.  Most of them have both.  As a collective whole, people see a Methadone clinic as a place where police are called, deals are made in the parking lot, clients are searching for a cheaper way to get high, and a few unlucky people overdose and die.  But I think if everyone had a chance to the know the clients individually as I have they would see something more.

I have had the privilege of seeing adult children regain the trust of their parents, find jobs, and begin their lives going back to school or choosing a trade.  I have seen men and women; mothers and fathers regain control of their lives, overcome a past of abuse or neglect, and build relationships and confidence in themselves.  Of course there are as many variations of these examples as there are people.  I wish I could tell each and every story, because they are amazing and inspiring, but they are also confidential and just thinking of a few of these heroic stories makes me tear up.  I have been blessed to have a front row seat to watch these miracles happen which is why it will be so difficult to leave this job.

About 2 weeks ago I was given a job offer I couldn't refuse.  It's a long story but I don't have any doubt that it's the next right step, not because it's "better" than working at a Methadone clinic but because I think God made it pretty clear to me that He is bringing me full circle with this new job.  If He hadn't made it so clear it would have been a much more difficult decision.  Many of my clients are in the beginning or middle of their miraculous story and they have let me into the vulnerable areas of their hearts and trusted me to walk their road with them.  I know from experience that is a scary risk to take and when a counselor leaves or can't be there it's easy to close up that vulnerable space and keep people out to avoid being hurt again.  So, I worry about many of my clients.  I know there are other good counselors that can walk that road with them, but it will take time, effort, and risk to keep the vulnerable space open and let someone else in. However, if there is anything I've learned from my clients, it is that they are stronger than they think they are and have overcome more than I could have imagined.  So, I know they have what it takes to keep walking their journey toward an oasis of peace and rest.  I'm praying that they will believe in themselves as much as I believe in them.