Fighting Fear with Faith

I just wrote a really nice little post about Christmas and presents and the gift of Jesus, etc and it sounded really great, but it's not what I'm really feeling today.  This morning I was writing in my prayer journal. I asked God to help me get out of this negative, depressing state of mind that I'm in and I began to realize that most of the chaos in my life is there as a result of fear.  I fear rejection, so I have a hard time sharing how I feel about anything which affects my marriage and friendships.  I fear my kids will grow up like I did, so I give them more than I should in material things and I give them all the time they ask for leaving myself depleted, which really only hurts them in the long run.  I fear failure so I put off writing my book.  I don't let myself feel my emotions because I fear I will fall apart and be rejected.  I have refused to forgive because I fear that justice will never be served and it will all be forgotten. 
If faith and fear cannot live together, then I obviously don't have as much faith as I thought I had.  So, I prayed for faith.  One of my favorite verses in the new testament is where a father is pleading for Jesus to heal his son and he says, "I believe... please, help me believe."  I hear myself in those words, "Yes, God, I believe you can heal me, because I really want to be healed, but I do have my doubts, you know, so please, help me believe it." 
I don't really have any physical ailments I need to be healed of.  Yes, I could lose a few pounds and my neck is sore most mornings, but I have been emotionally sick for a long time and I'm tired of the effects it has on my life.  So, I'm focusing my energy on conquering my fears, which means I have to be brave enough to trust that God knows what He's doing and if I fall apart He will put me back together and if I get rejected, He won't reject me and if I fail, He will give me another chance and if I forgive He will never forget.  Ha! Easier said than done.  I don't have a nice ending to wrap this up, probably because I'm just at the beginning.