Ok, it's been a crazy week, but I need to get something on here before I go to bed. So, I'm writing a book about overcoming alcoholism and depression, etc. It's been 5 years since I went to treatment and another 2 since I finished therapy and I wanted to write more information in my book about how bad my marriage was, but I couldn't remember because at the moment, my husband was walking on water in my mind! I did some journal reading and asked some close friends what they remembered were the biggest problems. At some point, I got busy with other things like part time work and my boy's lacrosse schedules. In the midst of the craziness, my husband was in the Police Academy every night after working his full time job as an Emergency Services Director during the day. I was getting pretty frustrated with JB's (husband's name) lack of help, especially since he just completed 6 years of school finishing his Bachelor's degree and getting an MBA. I was no longer having any trouble remembering what it felt like to be angry and frustrated with our marriage. I should have taken some time to write some of it down for my book, but I was too angry. Everything wrong in the universe was his fault and I was dreaming of a what it would be like to be single. As I was day dreaming about my full time job and other ways I would support my three kids, I walked into the kitchen and out of habit picked up my bottle of antidepressants. Somewhere in the back of my head I asked myself how long it had been since I'd taken one of these. When I decided it had probably been awhile, I popped one in my mouth and slugged it down with a glass of water. Then I went back to stewing in my irritable, frustrated, obsessed thinking process. The next day I woke up feeling MUCH better than I had all week. I did some chores around the house, checked my e-mail, looked at my calendar and made my kids some pancakes. It was about the time I was in the kitchen that I wondered if my good mood and lack of irritation could have something to do with the fact that I'd taken my medication. But I had felt SO GOOD! Yes, I was irritable and crabby and everything JB did was absolutely wrong, but I felt energetic and creative!

I am super intrigued with how our brains function and how that affects our behavior. This was just one example of how crazy I get when I don't take my medication. I don't know if I'm really more creative when I'm not taking it, but I know my life goes a lot smoother when I do take it. And I've worked very hard to have the contentment that I have right now. I don't know why I trade that in sometimes just to stop taking my meds and allow myself to go crazy again?! I know I'm not alone because I hear about it all the time. Maybe we want to feel normal. Maybe we just forget. I think for me, I forget at first and then it's very stimulating to think about what I might "feel" if I go longer without taking it. All I know is that I better keep taking my medication. Unless, of course, I need some more drama to write about in my book.